If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
