Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
