The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
