he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
