...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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