If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
