Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
