I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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