watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
