I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
