when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
