I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish I could teleport
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
