Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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