Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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