I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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