I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
