What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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