i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
