I am puke
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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