Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
