do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
