final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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