She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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