Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Randomize
