so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
