Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
