This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think my moral compass just broke
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
