At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize