Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
