lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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