You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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