I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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