with your own penis?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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