i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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