I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
