Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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