There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
