I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
