I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
