they need to just BURY HIM!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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