My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
