She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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