I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
