well I can't set my house on fire every night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
