DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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