So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize