He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
