i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
