Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
