so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
