I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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