fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
