I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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