Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
