Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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