Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
