my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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