I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is the high leading the old right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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