Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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