im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize