whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
