How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
