I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
