Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
