lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
