FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
