dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
