is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
