i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Welp...herpes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
