I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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