You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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