she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
