I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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