I hate all girls vehemently.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
