I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
