I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
