Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
