i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize