i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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