I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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