I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
