so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
