So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
