Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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