It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
