Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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