Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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