Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize