Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
