I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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