oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
