id be glad to
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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