you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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