wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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