there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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