You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
