Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
