Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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