I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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