So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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