Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
